I have so much guilt because I never gave Thomas the credit he deserved while he was here. We always gave each other such hard times, I wish for a second I could have told him how wonderful he was. I'm sure that's what most people think when they lose someone so abruptly. But I wish I had that chance. He was such an amazing father. The last week of his life Bonnie asked me if I wanted to go with her to baby bookworm at the library. When I got to her house, he said he was going to go and I thought, that's weird. Why would a guy want to go to baby bookworm? When we were there, I watched how he wanted to hold Caroline to do the songs and dances with her. They would pass her back and forth as they sang. I can't even see through my tears as I type this but the love he showed for Caroline and Bonnie was so apparent. I wouldn't have traded that memory for anything. When we got back to their house, he made Bonnie and me hummus. I don't know many guys, first of all who know how to make it, let alone who would make it for us just to be nice. I hope I said thank you but I don't remember. Oh, I only pray he can see the pain I have and that he can see how much I miss him and all he did for my sister and niece. He truly made Bonnie happy and for that, I love him so much. I pray he knows that and I am sorry I never told him. There are so many things I feel guilty for. I wish I would have told him thank you for letting me live with them during my internship. I never thanked him. How could I not have thanked him for that? Thank you Thomas. For being a wonderful daddy to Caroline and this sweet new baby, a wonderful husband to my beautiful sister, an amazing friend, and a wonderful brother. You are truly missed by so many.Sunday, March 22, 2009
I'm Sorry Thomas
I have so much guilt because I never gave Thomas the credit he deserved while he was here. We always gave each other such hard times, I wish for a second I could have told him how wonderful he was. I'm sure that's what most people think when they lose someone so abruptly. But I wish I had that chance. He was such an amazing father. The last week of his life Bonnie asked me if I wanted to go with her to baby bookworm at the library. When I got to her house, he said he was going to go and I thought, that's weird. Why would a guy want to go to baby bookworm? When we were there, I watched how he wanted to hold Caroline to do the songs and dances with her. They would pass her back and forth as they sang. I can't even see through my tears as I type this but the love he showed for Caroline and Bonnie was so apparent. I wouldn't have traded that memory for anything. When we got back to their house, he made Bonnie and me hummus. I don't know many guys, first of all who know how to make it, let alone who would make it for us just to be nice. I hope I said thank you but I don't remember. Oh, I only pray he can see the pain I have and that he can see how much I miss him and all he did for my sister and niece. He truly made Bonnie happy and for that, I love him so much. I pray he knows that and I am sorry I never told him. There are so many things I feel guilty for. I wish I would have told him thank you for letting me live with them during my internship. I never thanked him. How could I not have thanked him for that? Thank you Thomas. For being a wonderful daddy to Caroline and this sweet new baby, a wonderful husband to my beautiful sister, an amazing friend, and a wonderful brother. You are truly missed by so many.
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4 comments:
I'm sure he knew Becky - even if you never told him. I just lost my mom 2 weeks ago & when the house gets real quiet I start wondering did I tell her enough that I loved her, that I appreciated all that she did for me - but in my heart I know she knew - she was an amazing woman. I never knew Thomas but he sounds like he was an amazing guy as well that is why I truly believe that he knew.
Becky- I love you and I know that Thomas loved you too. He loved the kid sister role you took on for him. I always kinda like to see the "fun" you two poked at each other. It was a sign of a loving relationship as brother and sister. Hang in there. Im always here.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Oh sweet becky. He knew and knows! He loved having you as a little sister! I know you probably got tired of the "little" sister role with him, but that's how he showed his love for you! I love you so much and I am so blessed to have you to go through this with.
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