I know I should probably post about the ice storm, or new pictures of baby Jett, or all the broken trees but I can't. I can't think about anything but what has happened in our lives. I'm trying to be strong for Bonnie because I don't want her to see me upset. That's the last thing she needs but I got a few hours alone today in my house and this is all I can think about. I can't believe this has happened to my wonderful sister. I pray for strength for her and Thomas' family but I need it also. I also am also praying for forgiveness. I can't help but be upset with God and his plan right now. I know what everyone keeps saying about how we don't understand His plan and I've even said it myself because it helps me. But I do not like His plan and how it hurts so bad to look at Bonnie and Caroline. She is trying to be so strong and I don't think she should have to right now. All she worries about is the Thank You notes she hasn't written, or the Facebook messages she hasn't answered, or the calls and dishes she hasn't returned. That is Bonnie. She always worries about everyone else. I do not know how to help her right now. Everyone says it just takes time, but I don't want it to. I want her to feel better right now. So, do I try to be strong and continue like it isn't killing me inside or do I let it out? I don't really know the proper way to grieve I guess. Please continue to pray. One month is not enough time to feel better. I love you all that have been there for her and her precious family! Thank you for everything.
6 comments:
oh becky, i have no doubt in my mind that you are doing your absolute very best to be whatever bonnie needs you to be. it's ok for you too to have bad days and down times. thomas was your brother in law and friend. he was a huge part of your life, not to mention just an all around awesome person. go ahead and cry when you feel like it, it's ok. he loved you too and your heart is broken as well. i don't know how to grieve either....fortunately, most of us don't.
bonnie is incredibly blessed to have you as her sister. hang in there! i love you and will see you soon(ish)! we will pray for you!
Oh, Becky, my heart hurts. I hurt for Bonnie and I hurt for you. I have a sister. I know. When they hurt, you hurt. I don't think you need to ask for forgiveness. God knows. He understands. I don't think there is anything wrong with calling out to Him and asking, "WHY???" And I don't think there is anything wrong with being upset with Him. He knows it is there...say it out loud. Then rest in His peace and love when He holds you anyway. I don't understand. I have tried and tried. I just don't. I know God loves us, but it is so hard to understand why He can let His daughter ache this way. I can only imagine though as our Father, He is hurting too. I will continue to pray for Bonnie. I hope she knows she doesn't have to be strong all of the time. And I hope you know that too...I will pray for you both.
I love you. That's all I can say. I love you so very much.
You have very broad shoulders, Becky Bruce Shofner, but you cannot continue to carry the weight of the world. Bonnie and Caroline know you love them. They see it though your actions and feel your love every minute of every day. You are going to be a fantastic, beautiful, fun and silly mother to Jett, and you are a wonderful wife to Travis. You are a great example of what a Christian wife should be. You are the one who stands in the background, smiling, and patiently waits to step in when she is needed. You never ask for recognition, you are a true servant. I love you, love you, love you.
*If Minor was here, I would make him sing you a song and tap his little bitty foot just to make you smile.
Again, love you so very much!!
Becky, I went through the angry at God part. Thomas was Mason's teacher, idol, hero. I was so upset with God's plan. I couldn't understand it (and really still don't) but I am in the beginning stages of coming back to the trusting God part now. It will never make sense to me, but I have to believe God has a plan, a much bigger plan than we can ever imagine.
I am sorry you are hurting so much. You have been in my prayers.
Still praying for you, Becky. All I know is that the God we serve is big enough to handle any anger, doubt, frustration, and questions you have to throw at Him right now. So let it Him have it! I am confident that he will continue to respond to you with the same love, faithfulness, and peace that he has always provided.
Becky- You and Bonnie have such a special relationship... your unconditional love and support is invaluable, even when it doesn't seem like it to you. One thing I keep thinking about is how Jesus experienced every possible human emotion in his short walk on earth... and the ultimate feeling of abandonment when He was there on the cross and the Father could not look upon Him as he carried all of our sins. I'm sure in His mind there were a lot of "Why's"... so we know that He understands all our human frailties. I am continuing to pray for you... and you will know when you need to let it out. You are a great sister!
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